A Long and Painful Labor

It is day three of my new affair with the elliptical machine at the gym. Gotta birth this baby somehow. I’m in my 60th trimester, I think.

On top of that, work just basically sucks. I am working so hard now and so fast, that all I do is: “That’s done, now this. This is done, now that. That’s done, now this. This is done, now that. That’s done, now this. This is done, now that.”

My head’s constantly down working. It gives me no time to think or to plan or to breathe or to see what's coming at me. And I’ve been deathly afraid I’ll drop the ball on something important. To the point that it affects my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “OK, what am I missing?”

Insomnia...

And of course, then the next day at work I’m tired, which raises my chances that I will definitely drop something.

On top of that, absolutely everyone but Monna and I are in Dallas for a four-day meeting. This means that people come over and ask us about things which have absolutely nothing to do with our jobs.

I want to scream, “LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!! I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR JOB; MY JOB KEEPS ME TOO BUSY AS IT IS!!! AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU’RE INTERRUPTING ME!!!!!!!!”

But I have to appear to be the Helpful Consultant, so I take deep breaths and lock myself into my office and pray to Buddha (who also had a long-term pregnancy) that I can stay calm and collected and organized and that that these supreme dipshits won’t knock on my closed office door to ask another inane question I couldn't possibly know the answer to. (And they do, of course.)

So, this morning at 7am I get a call on my cell phone.

“Steve, this is Rebecca. I cannot reach Euline or Monna (who comes in late) or Dianne or Doris. I’m here for the class….”

So, I say, “Well, just come to Gate One. I’ll meet you there.”

“I don’t know where Gate One is.”

“Oh, you’ve never been to the facility before? Are you from Ocala or where?”

“Dallas.”

And I’m thinking; why is this woman flying all the way from Dallas to take a course we also offer in Dallas?

So I meet her and say, “Well, you’re a bit early.”

She says, “You said 7:00 at the Visitor’s Center.”

And I’m thinking OH GOD, I FINALLY DROPPED THE BALL ON SOMETHING HERE AT WORK! Because I cannot remember this at all. I mean, my vaunted memory and I have NO recollection of this!!! I said, “Wow, that’s surprising, because Effective Communication starts at 8:30…”

“No, I’m here from Pritchett to teach the Business as Unusual class.”

THUD!

“Oh, you’re the Pritchett instructor I talked to on the phone last week…. Ummmmm, I thought we were doing that February 18th, not today, January 18th…”

Oh, God, did I drop a ball this HUGE!!!! All the way back to my office, my stomach is doing flip-flops. I have an instant migraine. I mean, this woman flew all the way in from Dallas, stayed in a hotel room, and rented a car! And I cannot even make the trip worthwhile. I mean, I cannot get a class together this quick. No one in the Lockheed Training Department is here to help me. Her company hasn’t sent the supplies or books even! No Lockheed training person is here for her to have meetings with! They’re all – ironically, in Dallas, where this lady came from!!!

I AM DEAD…

Then, we get back to my office. Monna has just showed up, and I explain to her what’s up. Eeek. Monna has this deer-in-headlights look. …this is baaaad!

I bring the lady into my office. Monna brings her coffee. What the Hell and I going to do???

Then I check my email and the class is February 18th. I was right.

YAY!

It’s her fuck-up, not mine!

DOUBLE YAY!!!

Her company will have to eat the cost, I didn’t drop the ball, and I’m safe!!!!

TRIPLE YAY!!!!!

Except now I am distinctly aware that it is possible I could screw something up this big. Which has given me a massive stomach cramp and a perma-migraine.

But I cannot tell anyone here at work how concerned I am with being overworked and that I’ll pull a major SNAFU, because I have to be HAPPY CONSULTANT!

Where does it end?


Tick tick tick