The Message David Left on my Voice Mail First Thing This Morning...

Verbatim.

Okay, not a good way to start the day…

You leave your house, you drive to the polls. You get to the door, and they’re saying “Be sure you have your ID, etcetera, etcetera, out.” Aaand you open up your wallet, and your license is not there. Where it belongs.

I was like, “Oh, crap!” Last time I remember seeing it is I showed it to them at the gym on Saturday. I’m like, “They must have it there.” So, I called LA Fitness, they looked around – looked in their lost and found; it’s not there, and I’m like, “Well, good. Cuz if it was, I’d be really pissed! Cuz, you know, you can kinda call a person and let them know when they leave their license somewhere.”

So, I go alllll the way back home. I gather up my passport and my voter registration card hoping that’s good enough, which it was. So, I have cast my vote; that’s all great and fine and dandy.

I get done; I’m telling the people at the -- the cute little old lady -- the story how I was just here, I lost my license, and I don’t know where it is. “Oh my God, you should be careful how you drive today. Isn’t that amazing?!” Blah blah blah.

Put my voting thing through the vote machine, walk out the door, and as I’m putting the stuff back in my pockets, in my left pants pocket is my license.

I have not worn these pants for a week now…

Meaning: at some point while I got dressed this morning, I took out my license and put it in my pants pocket, knowing that I was going to need it to go and vote, and then immediately forgot about it. And not lightly forget; not a – take out the wallet, look; it’s not there! “Oh my God, what the—Oh! That’s right; I took it out.”

No no no! I took it, looked at wallet, and went, “It’s gone! I have no earthly idea where it is!”

So.

This it; the message to tell you that, clearly, I’m losing it. My mind is going. I’m going to be incontinent probably soon. And before I lose the ability to recognize you and tellyou so, I just wanted to say, “I love you.”

Bye-bye.


Laugh my fricken' ass off!!!