Fruits and Vegetables

Some idiot “clothes-lined” me in the hallway at work yesterday!

“Clothes-lining” is a term from when I was a kid growing up in the Midwest. We used to play late-night games of Full Contact Hide-n-Seek. Every so often someone running around in the darkness would forget a clothes line in a neighbor’s back yard and end up on the ground clasping at their rope-burnt necks.

So, now, as a “grown-up,” I use the term to signify how morons stop you in the hallway when you’re in the middle of something else. For a while, every time this happened, I would grasp my neck and fall to the floor gasping for air. But the company frowned upon my “excessive editorializing” of common corporate events.

So, Ignoramus asks, “How do I get into this class?”

Umm. Oh, God, how many times a day do I have to tell people this!?!? I know the classes are full. I take a deep breath:

“Well, you can sign up for every occurrence of the class, and once an opening is available, we will email you. Or you can have your Human Resource Manager send us an email confirming that this is a vital development need which has alreayd been captured in your Performance Review. Or you can have your Human Resource Manager or supervisor send us a note saying that you need to take this class as part of a Performance Improvement Plan (not good, by the way!). Or you can show up the day of class; we always have a few extra seats at the last minute, and you can fill one of them.”

And Ignoramus acts all off-put and huffy, and then he asks, “Yeah, but besides those ways, how do I get into the class?”

So I laughed at this walking vegetable. And I patted him on the shoulder and told him, “Your sense of humor should get you far in this business. I’m sorry I can’t chat longer, but I’ve got to be anywhere else but here right now.”

And I walked away. I just…walked away.

What a fruit!

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Speaking of fruit, I am finding I like the brand of Fructis hair putty better than the spray-on gel. THESE THINGS ARE IMPORTANT!

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And on the vegetable front: The Federal Gov’t (pronounced “gov'ment”) tells us we should eat at least nine fruits and vegetables per day. (Oh, if I only could find nine fruits to eat per day…but I’m sure the gov’t doesn’t mean THAT!)

Have you tried eating nine fruits and veggies per day?!?!?

It’s insane! I had carrots for breakfast!

Well, thank God that President Dumbya Bush and the Repuritan Congress has now said that potatoes are vegetables! Well, good! I mean, five Biggie Fries from Wendy’s and you’re sure to have your quota for the day met!

Whew. Problem solved.

And one wonders if Dumbya can actually spell “potato,” doesn’t one?