Mah Trip to West Virginney - Part Doe

OK, so there are a LOT of great things about me, but one thing that ISN’T is my sense of direction.

I swear the minute I step into a mall, that hand of God comes down from Heaven and spins the whole damn building so I can never find where I’ve parked.

I never really learn a place until I can consistently point to where North is. And that takes years.

I get lost easily driving, and typically ask for tons of milestones (you pass an orange house, you pass a green store, and you pass a rotting corpse…)

Well, on the way to West Virginia, I got on the wrong road in Wythville. I nudged Cathy from her sleep and asked her if we should be on 83 South. She kinda rolled over and mumbled that 77 and 83 merged and then went back to sleep.

We stopped at a rest stop, and I looked at the map and remarked that the star (“You are here”) was not in the right spot. She replied that it was an old map and she thought the star had “slipped.” The glue, she said, had come loose…

Then she got back into the car and promptly fell back asleep. Then, later on the road, I poked her and asked if we should be passing Blountsville. She said her simple computer printout map didn’t have details and went back to sleep.

Then I shook her and asked if we should be passing a town called Adkins. She barely stirred.

Finally, I slapped her awake and said “We’re going into Tennessee, and I know that’s wrong.” She finally woke up, all frustrated. I stopped at a service station and got a more detailed map. We were an hour off-path. She was pissed.

OK, but I never said I was Lewis and fucking Clark…