XXX-Mas Quiz

Courtesy of Marcie!

Colored lights or white lights?
They have lights for different ethnic groups now?!?!?! (And aren’t you supposed to say African American lights?)

Real tree or fake tree?
A real one that has been treated with a plastic polymer like the dead human bodies in that science display in Tampa

What is your least favorite thing about the holidays?
That Jesus crap!

What is the one thing that you would like to see under the tree this year?
A 12,000 foot drop

What is your favorite thing to do/build in the snow?
Mass graves

What is your favorite holiday drink?
Sawdust

What is your favorite holiday smell?
Debt

Who is your favorite reindeer?
Me and Prancer had a lovely secret rendevous (I like to call it a “reindeer-vous”) in Reno several years and bottles of Scotch ago… …sigh.... He was hung like a…well, like a reindeer.

What is your Christmas Eve ritual?
David and I eat Chinese food and go see a movie. (Anyone can join us!) If I am feeling a certain nostalgic sense of masochism, I go to a midnight mass at a Catholic church…

Are you a Friday after Thanksgiving shopper?
No, but I DO LOVE watching the chaos of the greed-riddled on TV. It’s like the running of the bulls in Pamplona, except less civilized.

What is your favorite holiday food?
Suet

How did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
You mean Saint Nick had a boob job!?!?!?

Who do you want to be under the mistletoe with?
The Grim Reaper…give me that fatal kiss, baby!

Do you spend Christmas with a lot of family?
I don’t hate myself that much!

Do you still make snowmen and snow angels?
Yes, but now I make them out of tin foil and chewing gum ad dead garden slugs.

Do you still have snow ball fights?
Yes, but now we use old floor wax and soiled hobo pants.

What's your favorite Christmas movie?
Evil Dead IX

What do you plan to do for New Year's Eve?
I will be in Charlotte at a fabulous party, no doubt.

What's the most expensive thing you've gotten for Christmas?
A hernia

How early do you wake up on Christmas morning?
Around 6p.m.

What was the best gift you ever got as a kid?
Parole