The Past Creeps Up to Backhand Me

Last night, I went to Barnes & Nobles to do some fun stuff – stuff I love. I’m an addicted Barnes & Noble shopper, but this time I didn’t spend money! I spent Cathy’s Christmas gift card to me on the Lemony Snicket soundtrack and a big book on cat behavior… (No editorial comments please…)

I love that Cathy gives me a gift card to help support my nasty habit.

Anyway, I am sitting in the “café” wondering if I should indulge my chemical dependency on overpriced coffee or expensive tea, when I see a man I know at a table nearby. Here was a guy I had “dated” for a few months a while back. How long…? FIVE YEARS AGO!!! Ack! Time is sure flying by!

Well, our “loving, committed relationship” didn’t work out for several reasons, obviously, but… I had a habit of always saying exactly what I was thinking, and he was a smoker and had some other vices I could not keep my big mouth shut about.

Now, five years later? A lot of things have changed for the better in his life; he looks really healthy and happy. He’s taking care of himself; he’s stopped smoking, and he seems less self-destructive from my critical but skewed POV.

I found myself so glad for him, I got choked up a bit, because from what I could see five years ago, I only saw things getting steadily worse for this guy. And yet here he is, in good shape, improving health-wise, out to people, and fairly contented.

I know part of the reason we didn’t work out is because I couldn’t keep my opinions to myself about his “path” and where I saw it leading. How “nice” of me… My Unsolicited Opinion Monkey attacks again!

Anyway, he’s been with the same man for four years. He’s finally come out to his ex-wife and her family and his son and his family and some stranger named Agnes he met near the donuts at Publix. I mean, the man was IN IN IN when I saw him and now is so far OUT, you’d need binoculars to see him. This change alone astounds me – because five years ago, I felt like a one-man Pride Parade compared to him.

And then he tells me his four-year relationship with Dr. Gay is an open one: “Wouldn’t it be cool if you and I got together sometime?”

Long pause while I figure out how to kick the Unsolicited Opinion Monkey off my back, and utilize that graciousness I’ve been trying to twelve-step into existence.

Ummm, no…

“I’m really happy for you, and I am really in a good place about how things worked out.”

That’s the absolute best I could muster, people. That's as good as it gets, folks. That’s how I choose to “Just Say No.”

It was that Blinding Flash of the Obvious (BFO) that said, even if I kept my mouth shut and (waving hands indistinctly) “other things hadn’t happened…” We would’ve never worked out. Never.

Two different people wanting different thing. And then I realize that, five years ago, my evil mouth might have saved me a lot of later pain.

Wow.

Isn’t it cool that I can justify my bad habits this way?

And the Lemony Snicket CD is fun!

A Series of Unfortunate Events, indeed!