A List of Firsts

CD: A friend and her five kids gave me the Beauty & the Beast CD. First CD I Bought was Duran Duran’s RIO. Am I gay?

KISS: There was this girl who lived down the street from me named Donna Miller (no relation). We kissed A LOT on her backyard swing. I think I was about 5 or 6. I remember she admired my Mickey Mouse shirt with the moving eyes, and the rest of the neighborhood kids were grossed out that we were kissing. We did it all summer, only stopping to eat or go behind her garage and show each other our privates.

FLOWERS: Back in Iowa, my boyfriend in high school planted a whole field of daisies on the side of his dad’s farmhouse, and he brought me out to see them when they bloomed. My sister says they’re still there every year. Their farm hugs a major road in our county. Wonder if his parents know about how the daises were first there.

BEER: God, I don’t know – I’m Irish. I assume my mom’s breast milk had a little residual beer in it.

CONCERT: Ooo, 1982, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. My sister Tink and her friend Teresa and their boyfriends took me to Blondie and…tah da! Duran Duran opened for them! Am I gay?

CAR: A 1976 Ford Elite the size of a small, New England state!

DAY of COLLEGE: I went early, because I was cast in Hello Dolly. GAG! I went out back of the theatre in this gravel parking lot looking out on corn fields, and all the hip college students were out there trying to roll a joint. I finally said, “Christ!” and took it from them and rolled it. And I had friends for life.

BIKE: I remember I was given my brother’s robin’s egg blue Schwinn. Lots of hand-me-down bikes in our family.

DATE: When I was in sixth grade, I went to see a movie with Brenda Trumbo. I cannot rememebr for the life of me what the movie was, but I do remember we sat in the front row of the balcony.

JOB: Delivering Creston News Advertiser papers.

PET: A Siamese named Kitty Blue who loved me dearly and would viciously attack almost anyone else.

BROKEN BONE: My mom accidentally ran over my hand with the car when I was four. Yep, she accidentally super-glued my hand to the driveway and then accidentally got the car into position and then accidentally ran over it. Three times.

STITCHES: See above.

AWARD: I was given an art award my Mrs. Scott, my first grade teacher who looked like the love child of Spock and Jabba the Hut.

CIGARETTE: Corey and Corby DeBord and I used to steal their mom’s cigarettes and smoke them under the Division Street Bridge.

FIST FIGHT: I beat up David Adair in first grade almost every day. Then Mike Freeman and I stuffed David under the merry-go-round and threatened to spin it. Somehow, David’s nose ended up broken, but he never told on us, so I quit beating him up.

BOYFRIEND: My first was when I was 13 and he was 18…I know, ick. And he was a very handsome young man named BJ Wiley who lived in Wapello, Iowa, and was the poor son of the Baptist minister. He and his boyfriend settled in Chicago. BJ was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver in 1996. I still keep in touch with Julian, his other half.

SPRING BREAK: My college freshman year, we had to tour around singing to different congregations and high schools, but we did spend a long weekend in Kansas City at Pam Minthorn’s house making Jello shots and trying to bed her hunky cousin.

BAR: We were always going into Charlie’s to drag our drunk dad home.

LOVE: Not sure. I kinda sorta fell in serious lust in college, but I’m not sure if it was love. I’ll say Sarah French.

TIME: Well, a week before I met BJ Wiley, there was this girl. I was 13, she was 16, and she took me up to my cousin’s room and we got that out of the way. A week later, BJ and I borrowed my cousin’s boyfriend’s car (the boyfriend was named Buddy) and we found a corn field where we parks and consummated our passion, which was more fiery than a cinnamon Jolly Rancher…