Quiz Knows

MEMORIES:

[Describe your first paying job] You know, I cannot remember if it was delivering papers or helping my brother seed pot for selling.

[Describe your best paying job] This one, consultant in organizational development and restructuring

[You are haunted by the memory of] My last quiz.

[A person who was exceptionally kind to you] My grandma’s best friend, who was our neighbor and who became our grandma. She used to have a person who shuttled between my hometown and college town bring my laundry, and she’d wash it for me. I had laundry service in college. She saved my life, but that’s another story.

[A person who made you miserable for a long time] My stepmother. She was schizophrenic, but we didn’t know it growing up. We thought it was us.

[A smell that reminds you of your childhood] Pool – you know, hot concrete and chlorine – I spent a LOT of time at the local pool.

[A routine you remember from your childhood] We had a LOT! Schizophrenic people like ritual. My stepmother did make for a fantastic Halloween, because she simply loved the ho0liday.

FEARS:

[Your greatest fear] People finding out that I am really a millionaire, international male model known as Prod.

[A crime or natural disaster you were a victim of] I am a crime against nature.

[A sickness or disease you fear] Love.

[A reason for which you would seriously contemplate suicide] Is it Tuesday?

[When people first meet you, you are afraid they will think] How’d you know?!?!?! Yes, I am. I find if they don’t think, we’re both better off.

[Your greatest fear about aging] Piccadilly Café.

[Your greatest fear about marriage] Getting there.

[Your greatest fear about having children] Finding a place to hide the bodies

[A plan or project you worry may fail] My fight against gravity.

[Something on your mind you are afraid to share] How many colors of caps do you think Diet Coke has had in the plastic bottle???

CAT AND MOUSE:

[When you really want to get to know someone, you say or ask] Can I mind-meld with you?

[The largest age difference you have had in a relationship] I was gay, he was straight. Nothing insurmountable.

[Who was younger] He was, by ten months.

[Something someone said or did that you found extremely attractive] I think it was Alyson – she kissed me on the ear.

[Something someone said or did that you found frighteningly unattractive] I find that a BIIIIIG turnoff is being mean to wait staff.

[A saying you've heard about men or women that you believe is true] They wouldn’t be here if someone earlier didn’t have a little sex.

[A physical trait you find attractive] Bipedalism

[An intellectual ability you find attractive] Toilet trained.

[A personality trait you find attractive] Ah, a serious answer for once – charm.

[You are irritated when people ask you] No, I’m irritated when they don’t ask me. They should ask me. About everything!

[You love it when people ask you] See above.

[Your secret passion] Helping the garden hedges get back to their home planet of UYT*&FU.

[Your longest grudge] I like to call it a friendship.

[A type of person you don't seem to get along with] Ghosts.

[You and your spouse or partner argue about this issue often] His lack of substance…

[What you enjoy most about having a committed relationship] Pretending that it will happen some day.

[What you dislike most about having a committed relationship] The fact that it won’t. (No, really, I’m okay with this – you have to positively accimate yourself to the life you have, and that’s what I am doing.)

SEXUALITY – what’s that?

[Your sexiest feature] My absence

[A wonderful place where you have made love] My dreams.

[An unfulfilled fantasy] See the last seven posts.

[A fulfilled fantasy] To bring honor and glory to the evil lord Kromdar.

[A fragrance that reminds you of someone with whom you have been intimate] LMAO -Drakkar Noir, seriously. Or Coast soap.

[The most perverted situation you have ever been in] This one.

IF:

[If you could change one law] The law of gravity.

[If you could erase one memory] This quiz.

[If you could bring one person back from the dead] Jim Jones

[If you could start all over] I’ve started over about 16 times already.

HERE AND NOW:

[Your most important goal right now] Finishing this quiz.

[The best word to describe your love life]

[The best word to describe your job] Lucky.

[Your biggest obstacle right now] My inability to turn invisible

[The last person you said "I love you' to] The Evil Lord Kromdar

[A piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child] Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs AT you.