Ran-dumb Tuesday, Part II
It’s official! Barbra Streisand’s new song, Hideaway, officially sucks balls. I’d fall asleep to the dull piece of polished crap that is this song. But then I’d have nightmares about having sex with Babs. Jesus, could a song be more bland?!?!?
David has taught me that even recounting a South Park episode can be a form of stand-up. A very entertaining form, in fact.
I did something really evil this weekend. I had a guest, and I really just wanted some time alone to clean the place and get organized. So I suggested a barbeque, and sent them off to the store for the goods while I got a much needed break to power clean. But then I forgot my guest was a bit obsessive compulsive. So he came back in and cleaned even more. I mean, like he scrubbed our windows and screens in the kitchen and living room. Hehe. Sometimes, evil plans work even better than you imagined! And the cookout was fun and very successful for being last minute.
My left hand still feels dirty from Sunday night. ‘Nuff said.
Playing mini-golf. Missing a shot. Screaming “Fuck!” really loud in a place that’s aimed at family entertainment thinking you might get a laugh….yeah, well. Comedy is about taking risks, and sometimes those risks fail… I’m still sorta blushing.
For those who have seen The Aristocrats (which as a funny, funny foul movie): Joe Franklin raped me.
You know how, when you get soft-serve ice cream out of the machine and it has those flutes or grooves in it? Well, those grooves are very important! If not, your soft-serve ice cream comes out in a long, round tube. Like an ice cream turd. It’s disturbing. But we did come up with the brand-name Good Ass-Yougurt!
posted by Schmacko @ 6:56 AM
4 Comments:
Mmmm - That WAS some Good-Ass Youghurt, too. (Let's use the British spelling in honor of Alyson)
My word recognition: dnftp, which according to the American Hemorrhage Dictionary is the "stenographers' abbreviation of the common phrase 'don't fuck it up'."
PS If doing you-know-what to you-know-who on Sunday night was so dirty, then how comes my conscience is SO CLEAN!!??
David, you beat me to the British spelling of "yoghurt", and as a quasi-stenographer, I have to say that I never heard of "dnftp" and I promise you that I learned how to swear in steno before I learned anything else. Plus, on the steno keyboard, you can't make that combination of letters.
and is it good-ass yogurt, or is it good ass-yogurt?
Hyphen placement is essential.
I prefer the latter.
Also my word verification is HILARIOUS:
"bkkrfse"
Bukkake your face!
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