Another damn quiz

But Marcie says she likes my answers, so...

EGO:

[Your 3 best qualities] I am the prism through which all of the universe’s light of goodness transforms into a rainbow of blessings to fall gently on the righteous, I am modest, and I don’t masturbate in public.

[Your 3 worst qualities] See above.

[3 words that describe how others view you] 3D, unctuous, and plutocratic

[3 words you would use to describe yourself] Loquacious, bipedal, eco-unfriendly

[A special compliment that made you blush] “I’m sure someone would bury your dead carcass…”

[An insult that made you burn] “They may not say any kind words over your rotting corpse, but they’d dispose of you somehow…”

[The animal that best describes you] The white-billed woodpecker, because people are still fighting over whether it is extinct or not.

[The greatest amount of physical pain you ever endured] this quiz

[Your best physical feature] my absence.

[At your best, you are most like this famous person] Aquaman

[At your worst, you are most like this famous person] Dakota Fanning

[Your most recent selfless act] I let someone touch me.

TOP THREE:

[3 people you consider to be geniuses] Elmo, Wonder Woman, and the Evil Lord Kromdar

[3 inventions you consider to be ingenius] porn, the air popper, and death metal

[Your 3 favorite childhood toys or games] My dad’s shotgun, the neighbor girl’s vagina, and a large can of Hormel Chili

[3 words you often use when speaking] “ummm” “uh” and “ummmuh”

[3 sounds that disturb you] “ummm” “uh” and “ummmuh”

[3 lessons you have learned the hard way] You definitely do need lube. Don’t test to see if the iron is hot with your face. And if you do, don’t burn the other side too in the name of symmetry.

[3 things you would never do] Keep a blog, answer quizez, or cover up my eternal soul-wrenching pain with sarcasm

[3 things you would not allow your children to do] Live, eat and breathe

[3 things you have done in your life that you regret] Got born, woke up every morning, and did this quiz


WISHES:

[Your dream] To be at a party that David is throwing, and then to spontaneously turn into a winged unicorn and fly away to never been seen or heard from again. Cuz, God! David!! Wouldn’t that be a party they’d talk about for weeks!?!?!

[If you had the talent or the opportunity, you would] be drop-dead gorgeous. Like so good-looking, people forget to breathe.

[Something you wish you could learn at the snap of your fingers] Snapping my fingers

[Something you wish you could change about your life] HAHAHA, just one thing!?! You see a specific thing I should focus on!?!?!

[You want to retire at this age] Prenatal

[How do you plan to spend that last years of your life] Pre-dead

[How would you like to spend the last few minutes of your life] With amnesia, so I wouldn't have to think about the regrets or all the things I'd miss once I was dead.

[At your funeral, you want people to remember you as] that person who turned into a winged unicorn at David's party!!! Yeah, rock on!!!

[Something you dreamed that later happened or turned out to be true] I dreamed I woke up...what a disappointment that turned out to be...

EMOTIONS:

[The emotion you tend to hide the most] Sympathy

[The emotion you seem to experience the most] Intense, bone-crushing, soul wrenching, edge-of-suicide joy

[A moment you achieved absolute happiness] *cue the crickets*

[You would feel envious right now if] it’d make a bit of difference.

[A piece of music that makes you sentimental] Henryk Gorecki’s Symphony of Sorrowful Songs

[When you are happy, you need] porn

[When you are sad, you need] porn

[When you are nostalgic, you need] porn

[When you are angry, you need] porn

[When you are lonely, you need] porn

[When you are in love, you need] privacy and porn

[You would jump up and down with joy if someone told you] I could start all over without any memory or baggage.

[The last time you cried uncontrollably was] right now.

[A moment in your life when your emotions froze and you felt absolutely nothing] and right now.

[You get angry with yourself when you] cry uncontrollably and then freeze up and feel absolutely nothing…Grrrrr.