Laughing at Myself

We make choices every day on how to present ourselves and our thoughts. We aren’t necessarily dishonest (most of us), but we decide to “spin” the data a bit. It’s a natural human compunction.

Yet sometimes I worry that this “spin” – whether conscious or unconscious – is less than honest. So I decide to be transparent and honest with people.

But sometimes, in this process, I open my mouth and blather on honestly and then suddenly realize halfway through that I am entirely and completely wrong. Or instead of giving the truth as I currently perceive it, I haven’t taken into effect my true feelings and end up uncovering something about myself.

I asked a couple straight people to dine with a group of friends and my brother and his wife coming in from Oklahoma City, to make them more comfortable with my gay friends. Because they aren’t the most open and accepting people…

Think about this.

I needed straight buffers?!?!?!

I am laughing at how stupid I am, at how buried some of my feelings of inadequacy can be and then WHAM, there they are. I always think of myself as pretty liberated and then, BOOM!

The good news is now I am laughing at my stupid ass.

All the sudden last night in bed, I’m asking:

What the fuck’s so wrong with my friends that I feel uncomfortable introducing them to my family?

I should be more embarrassed introducing my redneck family to my friends! God knows, my friends are waaaay more important to me!

Or maybe I shouldn’t be embarrassed at all.

Anyway, to the two straight couples, thanks for handling it more gracefully than I deserve. Gah!. Please feel free to point at me and laugh. I am.