Catching up on my Surveys

AND WOW DID I HAVE SOME CATHCING UP TO DO!!!

How tall are you barefoot?
My name ain’t barefoot, so I am skipping this one. (5’10”)

Have you ever been cheated on?
Yep, it was fun!

Do you own a gun?
Is that some sexual comment? (Yes, it ain’t in the house, and it doesn’t work.)

If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
My family.

How many letters are in your crushes name?
I don’t have any crushes right now. Weird.

What do you think of hot dogs?
How did you know!?!?!?

Whats your favorite Christmas song?
“Cherry Pie” or anything by Whitesnake!

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Yes, I do! What of it?

Do you do push-ups?
Only the Orange creamcicle kind

Have you ever done ecstasy?
No….I had to think about that though, no…not Ecstasy…

Do you have a boyfriend?
Jesus.

Do you like the rain?
Only if I am inside with a good book, jazz and a hot cup of tea (OMG, I am being honest!)

Do you own a knife?
It owns me.

What do you smell like?
David and I have the same cologne…A musky mix of rejection and failure.

Do you have A.D.D.?
I can add, is that the question? Look, a blimp!

Full initials?
LMAO, because I am Catholic by birth SJAEM


Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. I’m a keeping that one to myself!
2. What an interesting secret!
3. Nope, that’ll go with me to the grave!

Name the last 3 things you have bought today.
Haven’t bought anything today. Yesterday…Milk Duds, a triple hamburger at Wendy’s and a Diet Coke (to keep my weight down)

Name five drinks you regularly drink.
Water, milk/chocolate soy blend, Fresca, coffee, tea

What time did you wake up today?
Ah, another honest answer…which time?

Can you spell?
Yez I cun

Current worry?
A lot of times it’s money, but right now it’s also about Brangelina.

Current hate?
Suri Cruise and Satan, who I think are the same person.

Favorite place to be?
City Morgue – preferably getting drained and prettied up!

Least favorite place to be?
Strangersfingerupthebuttville

Where would you want to go?
I want to get back up to St. Augustine this fall…

Do you own slippers?
I think I threw them at a hobo recently.

Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
At the right hand of God

Do you burn or tan?
Myself or other people?

Yellow or Blue?
Green.

Would you give up your current life to be a pirate?
No, the salt air frizzes my hair.

Last time your cell rang?
August, 2004

What songs do you sing in the shower?
“Remember to Wash Your Naughty Bits” by The Supremes

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
My dad. Serious.

What do you have in your pocket right now?
Nothing – I empty my pockets when I am home.

Last thing that made you laugh?
My suicide note

Favorite bed sheets as a child?
The plastic ones.

Worst injury you’ve ever had?
The frontal lobotomy was not good.

What is your GPA?
26 MPG

How many TVs do you have in your house?
No trannies in this house!

Who is your loudest friend?
The voice in my head.

Who is your most silent friend?
My conscience

Does someone have a crush on you?
Nope.

Do you wish on stars?
Just Bruce Willis – he never delivers.

Do you believe in magic?
Only when I set it up to work.

What song represents how you feel at the moment?
Pachelbell’s Canon in D played in minor on a saw.

What song did you last hear?
I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ by The Scissor Sisters

What song do you want played at your funeral?
The Witch is Dead

What were you doing 12AM last night?
Getting home, chatting online

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Which time?

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Sometimes.

3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room? Murdered someone? ….yes.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Only School Crosswalk signs and ALL THE TIME!

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? They use me!.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? They NEVER use me!

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Which would kill me faster? That one.

8. Is it raining outside? Only inside.

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Most pictures are of my chocolate starfish, so it doesn’t matter.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? Those “Are you depressed?” radio commercials asking you to become a lab rat for pharmaceutical companies. Yeah, that’s fixing the problem.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? It’s a body bag, and I leave it unzipped…most of the time.

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Should I!?!?!?!!?

13. Have you ever peed in the woods? Only on hobos sleeping.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? Who says there ain’t music playing?

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Is this a sex joke?

16. How many people have you slept with this week? The 15 other guys in the drunk tank

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins? I’m not telling! That's an embarrassing question!!!

18. What is your "Song of the week"? Death Cab for Cutie’s cover of Julian Cope’s “World, Shut Your Mouth!”

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Only if the corsage compliments the dress.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? Only with my eyes closed.

21. What's your favorite scary movie? Lassie.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? No, because those damn Goonies would find it!

23. What do you drink with dinner? My drink IS dinner.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? The toilet.

25. What is your favorite food/cuisine? Spit-roasted hobo.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Surveillance camera film...

27. Do you have a bf/gf? Neither.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Both.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? That’s so July Issue 2004 (pages 32-41)

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I don’t know anyone on paper.

31. Can you change the oil on a car? Only if it REALLY wants to change.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Damn it…I HATE this question… My first one in my life was in August!

33. Run out of gas? No.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?: Hobo.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Pussy.

36. What is your usual bedtime? 6am

37. Are you lazy? Like a fox!

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? A child. I wore costumes the rest of the time.

39. Have you ever been to a dance club? No, they’re evil!

40. How many languages can you speak? In my head, 62.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Not telling you!

42. Which are better, legos or lincoln logs? I’m a democrat.

43. Are you stubborn? No, you’re just stupid!

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman? I’ve never screwed them, so I don’t know.

45. Ever watch soap operas? They don’t sing, do they?

46. Afraid of heights? Wouldn’t know, haven’t reached them yet.

47. Sing in the car? Only with the windows open.

48. Dance in the shower? Only with the windows open....

49. Dance in the car? Only with the trunk open, and I don’t mean the car’s trunk!

50. Ever used a gun? Yep, ALL the time. LOVE IT!!!!

1. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? No, that’s the lazy approach to suicide.

2. What color shirt are you wearing? Flesh – I took off my dress shirt.

3. Would you kiss anyone on your friends list? Have.

4. Do you have a 'thing' for someone on your friends list? I have a book for Joshie, does that count?

5. How many people on your top friends list do you know in real life? None.

6. How many kids do you want to have? Standard answer: “That depends; what kind of dipping sauce do they come with?”

7. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? They’re dead, so…yes.

8. What name would you want besides the one you have? GWAR

9. Would you ever make out with someone of the same sex? Only after the roofie kicked in

10. What did you do for your last birthday? Cried.

11. What's your main ringtone on your phone? A hobo dragging sheet metal across rough concrete

12. What time did you wake up today? See above

13. What were you doing two nights ago? Breathing

14. Do you like having your hair pulled? Only the curlies

15. Name something you can't wait to do. Fail, apparently.

16. Last time you saw your mom November 18, 1978

17. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Me.

18. If you had $250,000, what would you do with it? Finally quit worrying

19. How long have you worked at your current job? It will be six years in Febriary

20. Have you ever talked to Tom? I know lots of Toms, so yes.

21.Describe the underwear you have on? Fairy boxers weaved with spider webs and poison ivy

22. Last thing you ate? Whatever was under my fingernail

23. What's your favorite month? Febtober.

24. Your least favorite month? Januarch

25. What's the last piece of clothing someone borrowed from you? My bra and panties…

26. Who is getting on your nerves right now? Me.

27. Most visited webpage? www.WhoIsFryingBologne?.com

28. Last person you text messaged? God

29. Last person to make you sad? God

30. Would you take a bullet for your best friend? Take it where, to Disney?

31. Favorite kind of drink?
Alcoholic: Yes
Non-Alcoholic: Only if you add alcohol

32. Favorite food? Fresh

33. Favorite dessert? Rack of Ribs A La Mode

34. Have you been to Europe? The band!!?!?!

35. If someone you hated died, what would you do? Send a Thank You note

I WANT: to be finished with this
I HAVE: a ways to go
I WISH: I could just stop. Really.
I HATE: Me.
I MISS: Me.
I HEAR: Me.
I REGRET: Me.
I LOVE: really Jewishy Jews
I ACHE: Yes.
I ALWAYS: am inconsistent, on that you can bet.
I AM NOT: worth a long term relationship with myself
I DANCE: only to injure others
I SING: only to injure others
I CRY: only to injure others
I LOST: yes, I did.
I CONFUSE: Me.
I NEED TO LEARN: How to forget everything I learned

I SHOULD: injure others.

[ YES OR NO, YOU]
1. KEEP A DIARY?: Nep
2. KEEP A SECRET JOURNAL?: Nep
3. SET YOUR WATCHES A FEW MINUTES AHEAD?: Always
4. BITE YOUR FINGERNAILS? Yep!!!
5. BELIEVE IN LOVE?: There is no scientific evidence.

[DO YOU]:1. HAVE A/ANY CRUSH(ES)?: Nope.
2. THINK YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE?: Nope.
3. HAVE ANY TATTOOS?: Only of Ernest Borgnine
4. PIERCINGS?: My uvula – it’s the thingy at the back of the throat, David! Not the vulva!
5. THINK YOU ARE A HEALTH FREAK?: I would be if I weren’t so fat.

[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
BRYAN: Boitano
DOUG: my own grave
WILL: & testament
VICTORIA: Queen
RHONDA: Help me!

[FAVORITE]:
NUMBER: pi
COLOR: Dark autumn heleiotrope
MONTH: See above
SONG: The Death march from Star Wars
FOOD: Alcohol
DRINK: See above
VEGGIE: Christopher Reeves until he died.
FRUIT: Tom Cruise

[IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU?]
CRIED?: I haven’t stopped
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: Yes.
GOTTEN SICK?: of myself.
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: Yep
GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: Nope
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: Nope
SAID "I LOVE YOU"?: Yes
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: No
MISSED SOMEONE?: Yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yes, harder now they’re dead, though
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: No

[WOULD YOU EVER]:
1. EAT A BUG?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
2. BUNGEE JUMP?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
3. HANG GLIDE?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
4. KILL SOMEONE?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
6. PARACHUTE FROM A PLANE: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
8. WALK ON HOT COALS?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
9. GO OUT TO EAT WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER? Can you give me $250,000 for it?
11. BE A VEGETARIAN?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
12. WEAR PLAID WITH STRIPES?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?1
4. SING KARAOKE?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
17. RUN A RED LIGHT?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
19. BE ON SURVIVOR?: No.
22. MAKE SOMEONE CRY?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
23. KICK A BABY?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
24. DATE SOMEONE MORE THAN TEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?
25. STAY UP ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT?: Can you give me $250,000 for it?

[THE LAST PERSON WHO]:
1. SLEPT IN THE SAME BED WITH YOU? Didn’t get the name, it was a customer.
2. SAW YOU CRY? See above, it was the customer.
3. MADE YOU CRY? Damn Customer
4. WENT TO THE MOVIES WITH?: Avis and Kate
5. WENT TO DINNER/LUNCH WITH? I think it was my brother and his wife – haven’t eaten out a lot…
6. YOU TALKED ON THE PHONE WITH?: Sarah, who is lovely and amazing
7. SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO YOU AND REALLY MEANT IT?: Sarah
8. MADE YOU LAUGH?: Sarah
9. HUGGED YOU: Me.
10.TEXTD YOU: The Evil Lord Kromdar...again...
11.YOU CALLED: Sarah
12.SENT U AN EMAIL: Marcie
13.SAID U WERE BEAUTIFUL: Satan
14.SAW U NAKED: Satan
15. MADE YOU SCREAM: Satan
16. ANNOYED YOU: Me.
17. HURT YOU(emotionally): Me.
18. CALLED U A NAME: Me.

[TEN EMOTIONS]:
1. Are you missing someone right now?: Me.
Where's 2?
3. Are you talking to anyone right now?: No
4. Are you bored?: a little
5. Are you German?: Barely
6. Are you Irish?:Yup
7. Are you French?: No
8. Are you Italian?: No
9. Are your parents still married?: In Hell
10. Do you like someone right now? No

[TEN FACTS]:
1. Hometown: Sadville
2. Hair color: Flesh
4. Hair style: Nope.
5. Eye color: Red
6. Shoe size: 11 1/2
7. Mood: Giddy with depression
8. Skin color: Light light light light light African American
9. Available?: OK, just leave your $20 in the nightstand…
10. Lefty/righty: Yes.