Short Quiz

Name five “manly” non-sexual things about you:
1) I can be a bit competitive.
2) I have a natural distrust of couplings with heavy PDA, and I'm not automatically romantic.
3) I have hunted deer - and even killed, skinned, and butchered them.
4) I often think most people are being unnecessarily emotional most of the time.
5) I can keep a level head in almost any violent injury - me or others.

Name five “girly” non-sexual things about you:
1) I like taking long baths with facials and bubble bath and all.
2) I love baking.
3) I baby-talk to animals. I don't do this to babies, just animals...oh, and my proctologist...
4) People look at me funny, because my favorite band is seriously Duran Duran
5) I am picky about clean laundry.

What are you most narrow-minded about?
Wow, let me get in trouble with my friends here... I think 99.9% of all EDUCATED persons would never in their lives even have to consider abortion, because - barring a violent crime or medical emergency - they are smart enough not to get into that situation in the first place. (*ducks!*) Please notice the stress on the word EDUCATED - good sexual education would kill the abortion issue, I think.

What are you most broad-minded about?
I believe that EVERY consenting adult - regardless of anything - should have the same rights as every other one. And I am very broad-minded about religion and personal belief. I always say IT'S BETTER TO BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING THAN IT IS TO DOUBT THE POSSIBILITY OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

What’s the trashiest thing you’ve ever done?
I do a LOT of trashy things - go to truck stops to eat, help push-start old cars, ask for doggy bags...

What’s the classiest thing you’ve ever done?
I am not a very classy person, though secretly I wish I was... I don't know - I've eaten at nice restaurants without embarrassing myself. I've secretly done nice things for people. I don't know!!! Someone?!?!? Anyone?!?!? If you have ever seen me do somethign classy, please refer to it!!! Cuz I'm drawing a blank!

In what way are you anal retentive?
My playwrighting. And also, I love having a few clear spaces to work!

In what way are you a total slob?
I have a hard time making my bed, and my clothes may stay on the floor for a couple days. I also always have a stack of books and magazines to read sitting around. And a stack of CDs I've been listening to.

It’s time to make some noise when:
When someone is being mistreated (especially animals and kids) or when your favorite band is giving a concert. Ask the people who have seen me at Duran Duran concerts.

It’s best to keep your mouth shut when:
No matter what you say, or what sort of sound logic you present, the other person is in love, so they're going to do what they're going to do even when it's a lousy, desparate, life-ruining choice...my dumbass dad taught me that.
-and-
when you are NOT an expert anyway.

Quiz from David

10 YEARS AGO

How old were you?
26

Where did you work?
I was working for this complete asshole at Lockheed Martin

Where did you live?
Hmmm, I think I was still living in a single room on Princeton, but I was steps away from moving to the house on Winter Park Street (I moved in April)

Where did you hang out?
Mostly with David at movies or in plays I was in; I was very involved with Winter Park Light Opera at this point…although I'd just finished a show with the Civic and was getting ready to do a show directed by Tommy Mangieri at Theatre Downtown.

Did you wear glasses?
Yep, big ugly things

Who was your best friend?
Cathy and Tommy Gerard (Mangieri), with David running a close second.

Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
I was just getting out of a very brief, illicit affair with an extremely handsome, egocentric, confused and sweet married man.

Who was your celebrity crush?
Probably John Cusak – that seems about right.

Who was your regular-person crush?
I was swearing off of crushes because of the married man thing…see above post.

How many piercings did you have?
Just my left ear

How many tattoos did you have?
One – of uber-newscaster Walter Cronkite on my left buttcheek.

What was your favorite band?
I was somewhere in between Duran Duran and Tori Amos with Indigo Girls in there somewhere

What was your biggest fear?
Being homeless

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?
Did this when I was twelve, under the Division Street bridge at home, with the DeBords using a packet they filched from their mom’s purse.

Had you gotten drunk or high yet?
Both a loooooong time ago. I was a juvenile delinquent who happened to get good grades.


LET'S SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING NOW !!!

How old are you?
36

Where do you work?
A consulting firm out of Dallas, Texas, but I'm based in Orlando

Where do you live?
A cute little duplex downtown.

Where do you hang out?
Lots of places. Barnes & Noble, with David, with Sarah, at home, and recently Panera.

Do you wear glasses?
Yep, cute little arty black-framed things.

Who is your best friend?
I’m not going to be an asshole here. Without a doubt, David Almeida, whom I think is an excellent choice and commends me to having good taste.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife?
No. I’m sick of wanting people who don’t want me.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Chris Evans, but for humor, Zach Braff

Who is your real-life crush?
I’ve kind of renewed my crush on Justin Sargent, but plan to keep it totally in check.
Also, there’s this photographer Greg Gore, whom I recently remet – he’s certainly crush material.

How many piercings do you have?
I think my ear hole has closed up, so none.

How many tattoos do you have?
Two – now I have uber-actor Ernest Borgnine on my right buttcheek.

What is your favorite band?
Still Duran Duran, but I have been really into The Long Winters recently.

What is your biggest fear?
That this is as good as my life gets, I don’t enjoy it or build anything permanent, and then it all gets taken away and I end up homeless living under a bridge or in a gutter…nothing major…

Psychology Quiz

So, I have been reading a lot on the history of modern psychology and how "Third-Wave" psychology is challenging cognitive therapy (Second-Wave, Dr. Phil stuff.) So, I made this quiz based on my inelegant, non-professional understanding.

Also, for the sake of variety, I finally took a completely serious approach to a quiz I post here:

First-Wave Therapy – Freud, Jung and stuff

What is or was the most attractive thing about your mom?
My mom had a thing about books and music, and she instilled that in me.

What is or was the most attractive thing about your dad?
My dad never had trouble making friends; he was a character and would use that to his advantage to draw people to him. He could talk to anyone, and generally almost everyone would like him on first contact. (It was only after people really got to know him, he made enemies.)

When were you most angry at your mom?
Well, she died when I was seven. But I do remember being mad at her once and trying to “leg up” onto the kitchen counter and hitting my head on the cabinets above causing a copious amount of blood. She panicked because she thought I’d grabbed a knife and, in my six-year-old anger, stabbed myself in the head. I forget, though, what specifically I was mad at her for. If she had lived longer, I'm sure I'd have some doozies.

When were you most angry at your dad?
My dad had several faults – alcoholism, nicotine-addiction, licentiousness, infidelity, a fear of being alone that led him to marry my stepmom, stubborn anger at being proven wrong, and the willingness to sell his kids and family down the river for anything and everything that primarily benefited him alone. That about covers it.

Self-stimulation behavior is physical action (often subconscious) that almost everyone does – things like twirling your hair, rocking back and forth, or putting things in your mouth. Which one(s) of these do you do?
I do a couple of these. Sometimes, I chew on things without being conscious of it. The other is, for the longest time, I used to sort of rock myself to sleep, like David Sedaris. I quit in college, because the rocking bed was just way too difficult to explain to college roommates.

Is there anything you obsess over?
Making sure I feel secure at all times (that's why i worry about money, and that's why I sorta hate driving), and I also obsess over my writing.

How much of a “neat-nik” or slob are you?
I’m probably a slight bit more of a slob, but not nearly as bad as many many many other people I know, who are just downright disgusting!

Any recent dreams you want to tell us about?
I had a dream the other night that lived in a house shaped like a snake – with “scale” windows you could see out of, but that no one could see in. That seems pretty Freudian.

When was the last time you felt your life was in danger?
Hurricane Charley. Or maybe every day on I-4.

How would you make your life more secure?
Save up lots of money. I'm sure I could never save enough to make me feel completely secure, though.

What sort of group or clique do you currently belong to?
Well, there’s the gay thing, and there’s the theatre thing.

What is unique about you?
I don’t self-filter a lot. I find that I feel more edgy and creative and alive when I don’t judge things or “edit” things for content before I say them – much to the chagrin of others.

If you could go down in history for anything, what would it be?
Famous playwright. Serious, in the Steve Miller’s Delusions of Grandeur area, I would love to prove that Shakespeare isn’t the last truly timeless playwright humanity can produce. But that’s being so grossly egotistic that I never let that simply shape what I write about.


Second-Wave Theory – Cognitive Theory, Bob Newhart Weeps for Me

How are you feeling today?
A little sleepy – I had some trouble maintaining sleep again last night.

How true is this statement: The way I see the world is pretty much the way the world is?
That is totally false; I always operate under the guideline that the way I personally see the world is likely complete bullshit. It helps me maintain perspective for writing plays. It’s always healthier to believe in the possibility of absolutely everything than it is to believe in the probability of nothing.

How true is this statement: Others who don’t see things as I do are at least somewhat skewed or deluded?
See above – I do run into the occasional person I think is full of crap, though. And I am genetically predisposed to being opinionated, so I fight this A LOT every single day of my life!

Where is your perception of “reality” most likely skewed or downright wrong?
That I am one small step from being a homeless person living in the gutter.

In a disagreement, are you more likely to argue it out or are you more likely to withdraw?
Oh, I fight. Like a brain-addled, rabid, badger, I fight…

When you are criticized, which are you most likely to do?
a. Justify your actions to the person attacking you
b. Immediately assess whether this person has any right or expertise that allows them to criticize you
c. Immediately assess whether this is a legitimate complaint or “some piddly thing you shouldn’t waste your time on”
d. Deny everything
e. Run away
f. Try to listen, concentrate on what they are saying and why they are saying it, ask lots of questions, and figure out what to do with the information later
I would love to say I do “f” – I TRY to do “f” when I conscientiously think about it. My natural inclination is somewhere between “b” and “c”.

If you could change one thing about yourself immediately, what would it be?
I’d be all muscle-y and sexy.

OK, given you want to make this change, what is the first “baby step” you could do to get yourself there?
Eat better and exercise more – the problem is (getting into third-wave therapy here) neither of those options inspire me much. I don’t value these things. Exercise is a FUCKING CRASHING BORE! And eating healthy makes me feel a little depressed, actually. Oh, I know, I should find an exercise that “interests” me – okay, well, here they are – swimming, and no one wants to see me in a bathing suit, so there that goes. And competitive volleyball, and anyone who’s truly competitive doesn’t want a self-deluded hippo on their team. Any other suggestions?

How do you “punish” yourself when you feel you have done something wrong?
I pout, I whine, and I hole myself up. Also, sometimes I do without something I really want till I feel I deserve it.

How do you reward yourself?
I buy new music, I hang out with friends, I find weird new things to do that I’ve always wanted to do


Third-Wave Theory – Embracing your Pain, or Getting Over It Fer Fuck’s Sake!

What’s your favorite thing to do when you are feeling down?
I take long baths where I give myself a facial while I trim and clean my fingernails and toenails, I buy dark chocolate, and I read modern home magazines cover to cover. If it’s really bad, I wrap myself in a blanket, lie on the couch, and watch The Color Purple from beginning to end.

How do you “nest” (create a safe environment to veg in)?
A lot of the above. I also have several pillows on my bed I use for sleeping. I have this flannel robe I wear a lot. I check the fire alarm monthly. I am over-careful in the kitchen with hot or sharp objects. I have a bionic sense of smell that wakes me up to anything "foreign" or "threatening" - my house burnt down when I was 13, and if I hadn't been awake, half my family would have died, including me.

How do you unnecessarily take risks?
I walk around barefoot a lot more than I should. I travel (which always makes me a tiny bit nervous), and I even resolve to get myself “lsot” so I have to find my way back out. I’ll talk to ANYONE, even homeless people, or Hell’s Angels packing guns.

What’s causing you the most discomfort in your life?
Right now, not doing things that create a more comfortable life in the future. Like making sure I’m in good health, saving up loads of cash, and…instead of waiting on others, doing what I can to have my own space.

How could you change your life so that you don’t do away with the discomfort, but you make your life so the discomfort is more bearable?
OK, this is how this question should go. One is quit worrying about my health since there are no grave outward signs iI am in any sort of jeopardy (that, people, is a third-wave approach to this, I swear. Though a therapist would probably also suggest I get a THOROUGH physical before forming my previous judgment.) Two is to enjoy living with others where I don’t have to worry about the lawn or regular maintenance. (see, kids, third-wave isn’t always about change; it’s often about embracing and integrating your pain into your life in a more constructive way).

List five “immediate actions” you can take at any time that make you happy:
Long, hot bath
Write
Go to a movie/play/concert/art show
Sit around gabbing with friends
Ummm, that private thing that guys do…

How would you change your life so you could do more of these five things more often?
Well, actually, my job currently allows for a bit of writing. I could probably write more, though. Also, I could hire a cleaner and/or a gardener to help keep up my house so I don’t lose that time. Also, really, I need to have a neater, more considerate roommate so that I don’t always feel like my personal space is shrinking and shrinking to just my bedroom.

What are the five most important things or activities in yoru life (ie - friends, church, beating your children:)

1. My family of friends

2. Always improving as a writer

3. Constant learning

4. Being appreciated

5. Becoming more physycally and mentally connected to the good stuff in life.

If you could take one of those things and make it into your life goal, which would it be?
Duh, the playwrighting. I’d love to write plays and be an adjunct playwrighting professor at a really good, small liberal college.

What’s one “baby step” you could take now to make that happen?
Work on plays that will help me build a reputation so I can move in this direction with the right credentials.

OPEN HOUSE PARTAY!!!

WE'RE HAVING AN OPEN HOUSE PARTY
WITH SEVERAL OF OUR NEIGHBORS!!!

WHEN: This Saturday, February 18th starting anytime after 4pm
WHERE: 730 Highland Avenue
WHY: 'Cuz we ain't done it yet!

PS: We know Joshie's party is also that night, and I plan to do both. This is the only day we could get the neighborhood to agree upon!

PLEASE SEND THIS TO ANY NON-CONVICT FRIENDS WHO ALSO MIGHT WANT TO COME!

And a quiz from David

Do you still talk to your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope, because, God bless her, she died in a freak couples Roller Boogie accident with a quadreplegic several years after she lovingly and tenderly took my ass-cherry.

What should you be doing right now?
Planning on how I am going to kidnap and torture photographer Anne Geddesfor all the pain she’s caused me.

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
The ice clinking in my teacher’s highball glass.

What's the best thing about your day today?

My doctor recently told me there is really no point in me getting my pap smeared.

Do you enjoy Texas hold'em?

I pretty much well hate everything Texas

Are you against same-sex marriage?
I say if I have to be miserable, then I believe everyone should be!

Have you been on a date in the past week?

No, but I was on a raisin – sat on it…

Have you kissed someone you don't like?

Just Mom.

Can you quote an *Nsync song lyric?

JC
is so gay, See
He has a shirt of paisley

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?

They’re pretty new, but I only buy second-hand. They depreciate the second you drive them off the lot!

Do you like your parents?
The real ones or the ones I’ve invented in my head?

Tell us about the last conversation you had?

Me and this big, dark bunny are having one right now

Where do you see yourself in one month?

In a mirror?

What is your favorite smell?

Fresh CD

Do you consider yourself a clean person?

I really haven’t done anything to get dirty, really

What are you doing tomorrow?
Praying to My Personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ until He reveals to me my secret, holy “clown name”

Have you ever gone to therapy?
Baby, I got so many frequent flyer miles, I could go to Nirvana and back twice!

Have you ever gone camping?
Like in O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Have you ever had a stalker?
No, dammit!

Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
Yes – ROFLMFAO!!!!!!

What does your name mean?

“the holy prism through which all the light of goodness in the Universe is made into a rainbow of blessings to pour down upon the righteous”

What's your current relationship status?
Delayed due to inclement weather

What are you wearing right now?
My ass-hat

What is your current problem?
Nothing! Everything is exactly as it should be, sadly enough.

Can you dance?

Nope, but that doesn’t stop me.

Who do you love most?
Casper the Friendly Ghost!

What makes you most happy?
When someone else buys me a drink and says I should really drink more.

Are you musical?

Nope, but I don’t let that stop me.

What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were on cocaine?
Instead of my bed?

Name one obvious quality you have?
Obliqueness

Are you happy today?
Nope. Still schmacko.

Name someone with the same birthday as you.

Macaulay Culkin – He of Home Alone fame
Branford Marsalis – jazz guy
Geraldine Ferarro – 1st female US Veep hopeful
Christopher Isherwood – Wrote the book Cabaret is based on

Where was your first French kiss?
On my sphincter

What is your biggest mistake this year?
This quiz?

Say something totally random about you.
I know you are, but what am I?

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yep - Dakota Fanning. She said I looked like a celebrity…or maybe she said I looked like I should be a celebrity. She’s a sweet girl, but a bit of a brown-nosing crackwhore, if you ask me, bless her heart.

Do you still watch kids movies or TV shows?
Just Brokeback Mountain.

Are you comfortable with your height?
Only when I am lying down.

I don't why this makes me laugh so hard!!!

Earlier this morning, I had this image of Bjork as a backup singer for someone like Norah Jones.

And I have been giggling about it all morning. There's just something inately hilarious about, "And Bjork on background vocals!"

Bloody Good!

I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t quite mind Patti LuPone.

I usually hate her rotten, fucking, muddy-diction-spouting and grand-scream-singing guts so much I dream of killing her, slowly and painfully.

But right now…sigh…I don’t mind her…

In Sweeney Todd, that is. I got the new recording, where the ten cast members not only play all the roles; they also play all the instruments. It’s been called “Marat/Todd” in respectful deference to Peter Brock’s legendary direction of Marat/Sade. In the latter, the inmates of an asylum act out the gruesome death of the famously sadistic Marquis de Sade. In both shows, the inmates have literally taken over the asylum.

Now, I should love everything about Stephen Sondheim’s Grand Guignol show, but I don’t. Oh, sure, this story of a revenge-seeking barber with a lust for blood and a handy straight-edge razor has phenomenal, witty and catchy tunes. It is also dark and gory in a way that appeals to my wicked sense of gothic schadenfreude. However, I never quite got emotionally involved in the show – it didn’t scare me, I didn’t frankly care for the wronged Sweeney - or actually any of the characters, and the whole show didn’t say anything to me personally.

Now, when I imagine these half-crazed “inmates” playing music for each other and acting out all the characters, this show starts to touch a bit of claustrophobic dread in me. Finally, this Victorian London really feels like the dirty, stinking, rotting pit that Sweeney describes with such anger, disgust and venom.

There is something in this new Sweeney Todd that reminds me of the experiments that amoral scientists used to do with rats – putting too many in a small box with limited food and water and watching the rodents tear each other to bloody bits. Anyone who has read even a bit on human behavior will tell you that even the most civilized people will do this if their situation gets too dire. Remember Lord of the Flies? Ever watch an episode of Survivor?

This new Sweeney Todd reminds me that we each are not too far from that world of savagery.

And each and every one of the cast is so good – at singing and acting! Michael Cerveris (who also did a wonderful turn in Sondheim’s Assassins as John Wilkes Booth) seems to be on a train to become a legend Sondheim interpreter. And it even seems that Patti LuPone has curbed her shitty vocalese for something that is mostly more coherent and character-driven. Mostly. So much so, I don’t quite feel the urge to rip her limb from limb, as I normally do.