Ran-dumb Tuesday - The Long Version!

On Sunday, I did one of those lecherous things which Cathy would say I do so much more than I actually do. (Actually, I think this one shocked her.)

We were at SuperTarget, and this beefy young man was kinda cruising me. And then he went into the men’s room, and I swear I actually did have to go, so I followed him in there. And we peed and chatted together, though I didn’t peek I swear. And anyway, I was just washing my hands, and we were still chatting about nothing in particular. That was when he stood in the mirror and played with his nipple piercings through his thin wife beater and leered at me, smiling. I just noticed them. And the wedding band. Or what looked like a gold wedding band. And though he was friendly and good-looking, the piercings???…and playing with them in front of me???…and the wedding band???…threw me off so much!!!

And there was no way in hell I would ever ever do anything in a SuperTarget bathroom! And I scared about what I may have gotten myself into, because that wasn’t my intention., though going into a public bathroom to just flirt seems also pretty questionable, now that I think about how stupid I was…

So, I left and he followed me out. And then he stood near the water fountain and stared and smiled at me in the check-out aisle until this woman (I assume his wife) and a little girl (his daughter?!?!) came up with him. Well, then I couldn’t stop myself. They were chatting, so I went and got a drink to eavesdrop. They were only talking about what they needed. So, they start to walk away, and he puts his hand on her ass, kinda turns around to me, pinches his nipple piercing again, and winks at me… And then he walked away with the woman and the girl.

I keep getting more and more symbols from the universe that my karma requires me to be completely single for this lifetime.


Monday, I left work at 12:30 to go over to a shoot I was hired for a Darden Restaurants safety video. Now, I like acting in industrials; it’s usually fun and the pay is very good. I especially like working with this particular production company. I especially like that they are professionally staffed, and I like that they treat the actors well.

So, I am playing this flamboyant chef with anger-management issues. I basically step into the “kitchen” and yell and scream and scare the hell out of my “staff.” And then after I leave, they learn and teach each other about safety. Which is apparently my secret hot button. It’s a fun role, and the director is letting me improv a lot. The costume is black sneakers with light up heels, black and pink striped pants (wide striped, like ¾ and inch each), a white chef’s jacket with pink piping, a black and pink kerchief in my jacket pocket, and this flaming pink chef’s hat. My accent is this German/French/Bulgarian accent I have been playing with for a few years (and now I finally get to use it!)

So, at one point, I suggested that while I was screaming about this spill on the floor, I could reach down and stick my finger in it, taste it, and then scream that it has too much salt. And then I’d realize I ate something off of the floor and guzzle about half a bottle of Listerine! Funny stuff….

Well, apparently, because this young doofus actor keeps laughing during our takes. We shot six times with him laughing. OK, I am getting a little sick of eating chocolate sauce off of the floor (it looks like gravy) and then downing half a bottle of colored water that looks like Listerine while this moron cracks up and ruins my shot. It’s flattering he thinks it’s funny….it’s flattering the first TWO OR THREE TIMES!!!

So, since I am ad-libbing anyway, in character, I yell and scream at this actor in character… Except he finds that hilarious and ruins two more shots.

OK, now I’m getting angry. So, I noticed that really, for this part of the shot, he cannot really be seen, so I asked the director if we could pull him and two other people out of the scene and “pretend’ that they are there. The director gave me this look like I was an oasis in the dessert!

But then I realized that with two cameras, there was no reason to be constantly eating this stuff off of the floor. They could shoot one part – me putting my fingers in the sauce. And then they could edit in the other shot. Me sticking my fingers in my mouth (in which I could have clean chocolate on my fingers! Duh!)

But the director doesn’t like that; he wants one continuous shot, he decides after I point this out to him. SO! They have to move furniture and shoot through a table’s legs to get it all (hand-held digital – they’re trying to make it look like a reality show). AND I HAVE TO DO THE TAKE TEN MORE TIMES!!!!

At least Donkey Boy isn’t there to bray and ruin the shot.

Except! I ran into him at Barnes & Noble last night and he angrily expressed to me that I “had him removed from the shot…” Ummm, so I calm him down and explain to him that I am doing a job. I also explain that everyone felt he couldn’t maintain composure and stay in character for the shot. I mean, they are supposed to be deathly scared of me! So, in order for all of us to get the job done, I asked if he needed to be standing there out of camera range.

He says he’s afraid it made him look unprofessional… Yeah, well…

I just said I had to go home and fled. Christ!

Now, I feel sorta like one of those divas that Sarah French hates to have on the set, except – honestly – I was trying to work for the side of good and not evil. I was!

I get to go back today and see bonehead again! …yay…

I hate how one moron can affect my enjoyment of the experience. I need to build some Teflon against this boob.