Paint-by-number Neuroses

This is gonna sound a bit neurotic. The way my mind works:

1. Blood Red - I had such a HUGE amount of car repairs on Friday that my worst fears at owning a car (those same obsessive fears that convinced me for several years I could do without a car….) are currently being realized in glorious Technicolor. …mostly red….the bill and my blood pressure… On top of that, the thing isn’t perfectly fixed yet, so now I have to take it back to the people to fix their own mistake – Grrr. And just Saturday I found a mechanic I trust – a day after I spent all this money. So, I’m panicking a bit.
2. Lost Friend Lavendar (hehe)- I miss David something fierce.
3. Panicky Yellow - My psychologist said that her schedule is so full, that unless I have a full blown anxiety attack, rather than this constant minor discomfort I have had for the last four days (like I am on a slow sinking ship) – i.e. a “real emergency” – she won’t be able to see me until Wednesday.
4. Pervy Purple - I just found out today that Phillip and Marc are moving to Virginia?!?!? Not that I’ve seen them much in the last two years, but this move completely erases my chances at getting to know them better!!! I always wanted Marc to love me so much he’d make me a custom Halloween Barbie. And I know this is inappropriate, but Phillip is this tiny, thin, but well-built man../ I don’t really wanna have sex with him, but just once – out of curiosity – I woulda liked to see him (and even Marc, who is no slouch himself) shirtless and working on their miniature pony farm. (No kidding, they raises mini-ponies in Ocala!)
5. Sad, Sad Grey - My adopted grandma died Thursday night in Dallas after 6 years of battling Alzheimer’s and progressive late-stage dementia. So, I knew this was coming, so I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. But now every time I see a baked good (she was an amazing cook) I start to cry. (I buried this in here so people wouldn’t think I was fishing for sympathy.) This is the woman who stopped me once from suicide, so I feel a great loss. But she always sorta looked forward to death in a very positive, non-morose way. She was the sort of Christian who puts the 99.9999999999% to utter shame. I myself will never live up to the example she set.
6. Anit-CoDependant Aqua - I want to help people, but I don’t want to be the crutch. I have a hard time believing that smart, dedicated people who just happen to not have a bachelor’s degree cannot seem to make more than $18,000 a year! But I’ve met a few recently. How does this happen!?!?!
7. Praise-Worthy Plum - I love that Sarah is getting her proverbial car waxed. She deserves it!!!
8. "See What Brown Does To You" Brown - I drank too much coffee and it’s adding to the panic.