Ran-dumb Tuesday Religion!

I’ve always wondered if we’re able to create new mythology, even new religious mythos.

I’ve been thinking about this more now that a group protesting the teaching of Intelligent Design in Kansas has gathered to say they worship a Flying Spaghetti Monster who made the universe. The only thing is – this is a little too absurd for absurdism’s sake. What I’d want is something a little bit more believable but also a bit more disturbing. Like:

God eats souls.
They fly into the great silvery, cloudy yaw of His mouth
As He sits all day upon His golden throne.
They pass through Him
And in their progress, they are changed by His Holy Digestive Process
To become the fertilizer – the soil
For other souls to grow out of,
And this is how Reincarnation works.
Hallelujah. my soul has been grown in the Garden of God’s Great Waste;
The digested and discarded souls of those who have gone before,
Having gone through the packaging plant called Life,
To be made ready-to-eat for The Great Almighty.
And someday my own soul will pass through Him,
To nourish His Great Body for The Great Work He has set forth,
And then my digested soul will be discarded,
Compost in the Gardens of Heaven
For the seeds of the new souls who come after.
Yes, God eats souls.
Amen.

Think about it, and then convert. I mean, this religion feeds into the sense that some stupid people have that God is a physical presence with arms and legs and a lower colon. Also, in its way, this belief would encourage recycling and organic gardening. And it would make us all more comfortable with our own digestive processes and waste disposal. And for that I am eternally grateful. Amen!